Every couple has arguments. What’s fundamentally more dangerous to a relationship is not arguments but what I call drift. Over time couples change so they find they are not living with the same person they once knew. Many relationships fall apart because couples no longer enjoy the same sense of love and passion they first enjoyed.

In addition they realise that their interests have changed so that there is very little keeping them together. Perhaps it feels like there is more pushing them apart than there is pulling them together. This does not mean ‘the writing is on the wall’ for your relationship.

Opposites attract but after time what was attractive can become annoying; spontaneity becomes disorganisation, determination becomes stubbornness, extroversion becomes attention seeking. Many couples give in at this point and decide that it is easier to start again. But this often only repeats the same process; drift is a part of every relationship. Let me suggest that however your partner is annoying you, and perhaps pushing you away there is hope.

While it is true that we all change over time it is also true that you can learn to love your partner despite how you and they have changed. An important step is to realise that the weakness you see in your partner is the reason why you should love them; they need you. Another step is to get to know them all over again and to seek to love them for who they are rather than what you want them to be.

Men and women struggle in their relationships in different ways. Women often want their man to have the same relational skills as that they have. Men can seem to them to be relationally stupid and this can hurt and frustrate them. Men want their woman to be happy and get frustrated when it seems that they have to live with a constantly dissatisfied or angry woman. It can really help to understand the primary differences between men and women. If you want to survive marital drift then listen to the messages “Love Her” and “Love Him” found at www.godsgap.net/genesis.